What if...

It's been more than 3 years now, every year I wanted to skip the month of August...

It was August 2006 when I packed my things and left to work overseas, to earn more money, to give my family a good life. I was unsure if I can do good, but what I am sure of, is that I will do whatever it takes, not to fail in this battle.

My sister is still in school then, my Dad has an illness and my Mom, for some reasons, earns and lose money at the same time. I just have enough then, to cover up the expenses until come next pay day. Whenever I want to buy something for myself, I had to think more than 10 times, just nod and keep the money for the next week of Dad's medicines. Back then, I worked full time Office Employee and at the same time I have small canteen underneath my desk.... yes! I am making sandwiches early in the morning before going for work, i packed it nicely and sell it from 8 -10 pesos each. I have some biscuits, chocolates, 3 in 1 coffee and snacks on my drawer and during break time I have my patrons coming to my desk to buy. This has been my "side line" for the past years just to earn some more cents. But still it's not enough.....

Dad's heart ailment has gotten worse... he's getting admitted due to major attacks, and his insurance as my dependent, has reached the maximum limit, which means, if the next attack comes... it would be a great disaster... and I don't want him to die, I must do something. I told my self, "you can do it, and you have to". One night I spoke to my boyfriend, that time and said, I will leave... next 2 weeks.. He did not say anything but I left him the thought that, yes I am leaving you. Since he knew how important my role in this he consider as his future family was, the least he can ask me then is if I am still coming back for him... It breaks my heart as if my whole world stops from moving, I cannot hear anything but the thousand heartbeats within me as if it's going to explode right there and then... the answer to his question is... I don't know! The only thing that I am sure, is that I love him... and that may not be the enought answer he wants to hear...

I reached home and saw my Dad waiting for me, I just embraced him and told him, that I am leaving. He laughed and said you just came! And when I started to tell him, the smile turns to frown... yes Dad, I am leaving soon.... I can sense the guilty feeling my Dad had, but I told him, this will not be for long... I just need to earn some more for my sisters' education, once she's thru, then I'll be home again....Time flies, good and bad but I survived the first year that I am away...

Exactly 1 year, August 2007, finally, I'll be home for my vacation.... I told Dad, 1 more year and I'll never leave again... during my 10 days stay, my Dad always wanted to be with me wherever I go... but since just came from the hospital, I did not want him to come in most of my errands. I just spent times with him whenever I am free, and we just went to places nearby as he is not allowed to travel that far. Yes we spent times together, chat about life overseas, funny stories and future plans. He gave me his blessing, when I told him that I am getting married soon... 10 days have passed and again, the airport scene is here once again... saying goodbye was never been easy... but I never thought that would be the last for my Dad.... yes, he passed away, 1oth day after I left him...

What if I stayed, would it change anything???